In case you are quite new, or you have been always into kink, but you have been postponing your fantasies, I have few things to advise.

About real 50 shades of grey without the vanilla feeling

Many people think that BDSM is only about whipping someone’s ass. That is not true at all. BDSM comes from word Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism and it covers even many more fields in my opinion.  It can vary from petplay to things such as mind games, fetish, roleplay, clinic, ageplay, servitude, humiliation, financial domination or even sexual objectification (human furniture) – and I could go on for days.

So let’s say that it’s not that simple..

Diffidence and self shaming 

There is no reason for self-torture or shame.  Don’t keep yourself alone, talk with other people – try to find people who are like you, they might be closer then you expect. Try to read blogs from other kinksters, research, find forums etc.

Take it easy

Whatever is your fetish, you’re not alone – although it might seem like it. Some people might tell you, that you’re a deviant, no you’re not, trust me 😉 It just takes time to find people who have similar interests. It can be hard to confess yourself who you really are, but it is worth it. You don’t need to tell your family or boss about your sexual preferences, or even some friends. After some time you will learn to recognize other kinky and open-minded people, who you can share your “hobby” with.

Kink community

There are many dating sites or forums dedicated to BDSM, wrestling or fetish. Some are good, some rather full of timewasters who just want to chat. Do not take everyone you meet online seriously, although you can meet some really nice people!  In some time you can also try to attend some meetings, fetish parties or events.

My favorite bdsm sites are Fetlife and Collarspace, but there are many more for sure.

Finding partner

To get in touch with somebody who has same interests, fetishes and has similar opinions (not even talking about the intelligence or appearance) can be pretty hard, yet you can take it easy. It might take few days or years, at some point you can realize that you just need someone who really likes you and tolerates your hobby.

Be safe and consensual, communicate

This part is important for BDSM newcomers but also experienced players. Never forget that health, psychical balance, both sides agreement and communication are most important! Also you should respect your partner in crime and try to not cross his/her limits too much if these are arranged before.

Make sure you understand each other with your play partner, make a safe word (or perhaps use a traffic lights – green goes for fine, orange is getting worse, red means stop), also remember that sometimes it’s better to stop at it’s best.

Lifestyle or a game?

After some time you will find out whether this is a way of your life or only occasional game in bedroom. Many newcomers might desire for 24/7 relationship and seek matching person – but before you dream about this lifestyle, make sure that you get some knowledge, experience and confidence with your mate. It sounds like a great idea, however our ideas can be different than reality.

My opinion about this is, that two people can decide for whatever they want to, but even Mistress might need a supportive, understanding sub, when she’s in trouble 😉